It has just been announced that The Magnum Militia (for those of you who haven't been paying attention: that's me, Frederick of Hollywood, and Andrew Ryker) will take on Aden Chambers, Travis Blake, and Jason Leigh at ECWA's March 7, 2009 show. Of course, you're dying to hear my thoughts on this Six-Man Spectacular. Since I am never short on words, here it is.
First, let me get this out of the way. Once again, ECWA management have proved themselves to be malicious, jealous, and inept by putting MANAGER Magnum in a WRESTLING match. Have they not learned their lesson? Have I not beaten every challenge they put up against me? Am I not UNDEFEATED? Let’s get something straight here. In this world there are people like ECWA fans who haven’t accomplished anything in their lives. Then there is a small handful of people who reach awesome status. Then there is me … I am Magnum Awesome! You have to be truly special to earn the “Magnum” intensifier.
Always remember:
Magnum is the Intensifier of Awesomeness!
Aden Chambers. The new darling of the ECWA since his 2008 Super 8 win. I whole-heartedly acknowledge that Chambers stepped up and won the most prestigious tournament in professional wrestling. But just make sure there’s an asterisk next to his "W" because neither Frederick of Hollywood or Andrew Ryker were in that tournament! And hey, neither was yours truly! Magnum is undefeated in case you forgot. In other words: I do NOT lose! Aden, bring your A game … it’ll be nothing for the A-Listers!
Travis Blake. If I remember correctly, the last few times you crossed paths with the Magnum Militia didn’t work out so great for you! Frederick of Hollywood demonstrated his power with his Hollywood Slam, and Andrew Ryker proved his skill as he pinned your shoulders to the mat. They say “third time’s a charm!” … well, it’ll be just that when the ref counts you out 1-2-3.
Jason Leigh. The last time you were in the ring with Magnum you lasted all of 2 seconds. How glorious you looked, flying over the top rope and crashing to the hard, unforgiving floor. You may be breaking out of your green shell, but you still have lots of work ahead of you if you want to try to climb Militia Mountain. Tell you what … before the match I’ll dial 911 so that the ambulance shows up just in time to carry you out!
So as you can see, dear Militia wannabees ... Magnum is not worried. The Militia is not worried. And you should not be worried since the undefeated streak WILL CONTINUE!!!
3 comments:
Nobody can say that the Magnum Militia doesn't have a good deal of momentum heading into this huge six man tag team match for the ECWA on March 7th. It's true. Magnum is undefeated, Frederick is a former Heavyweight and Mid-Atlantic Champion and Ryker has been white hot since returning from injury. These are undeniable facts, but here is another fact for you to keep in mind Magnum.... even the best and most powerful groups hit the wall sooner or later. And on March 7th in Newark, Delaware myself along with Aden Chambers and Travis Blake are gonna introduce you to THE WALL. The Militia started to lose its momentum last month when Frederick was unable to recapture the Heavyweight Championship and on the 7th the Militias roll comes to a dead end.
As for you Magnum. I haven't forgotten what happened the last time we were in the ring together and I can tell you that I have revenge on my mind. The way I see it, this match is my best chance at some payback. So make no mistake Magnum when that bell rings I am coming after you and if I have my way I'll be the one to pin you to the mat for the 1...2...3!!!
So I'll see you on March 7th Magnum. And come ready for an all out battle.
Oh Jason. You DARE talk SMACK with the Innovator of Awesomeness? That mouth is going to get you into trouble someday. Actually, make that 8 days.
The only WALLS the Magnum Militia knows about are the ones that all our fans hang our posters on, dreaming of us at night, wishing they were our friends -- or even more ridiculous -- wishing they were us!
But you know all about that, don't you Jason Leigh? You have all our merch in your room, you sleep in the Magnum Militia bed sheets and pillow cases, and gosh darn it, someday you WILL be part of the Magnum Militia.
HA! Sweet dreams buddy!
See you on March 7.
Ha! My mouth is going to get me in trouble? That's big talk coming from you big mouth.
I actually kinda pity you though Magnum. You mentioned dreams, but I'm afraid you have been living in a dream since the day you arrived in the ECWA.
A dream like the idea that you are unbeatable.
A dream like the Magnum Militia being unstoppable force.
A dream like your Militia defeating Aden Chambers, Travis Blake and myself on March 7th.
So I'll tell you what Magnum. You get into you little pj's, curl up under the blankets and keep right on dreaming. Dream for a good long time. In fact dream from now until Saturday, get as much out of this dream world as you can because in about 6 days the dream is over and this Saturday is the wake up call for you and the Militia.
Your reality check is coming Magnum and it is coming in 6 days.
I’ll see you on Saturday. Sleep well.
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