Magnum is awesome

Once again ECWA Pro Wrestling has totally misinterpreted the facts. If Magnum is one thing, he is awesome. But if he is something else, it’s forgiving; therefore, the ECWA will not be hit with a lawsuit from Magnum’s legal team for the slanderous remarks they posted to their Web site. Magnum is here to make an ad hominem. Look it up!

If you care to read the “detailed report” on ECWA Pro Wrestling’s Web site you’ll notice the erroneous remark, “He won by accident…” How dare you! No one is awesome by accident, and Magnum is the definition of awesome.

There were a number of accidents that night at the ECWA, but Magnum winning the Spring Olympiad Rumble was not one of them.

Accidents happen:
-Frederick of Hollywood getting eliminated in the Olympiad. Frederick obviously didn’t think Mega could ever be so lucky; I mean, who would? Mega did NOT eliminate Frederick. Frederick was a felo de se. Look it up!
-Mega putting his hands on me, Magnum. How dare he! Mega even ignored my instructions of “Not the face!” But Magnum’s awesomeness showed as he was too sly to be hit.
-Those gray t-shirts Magnum saw in the crowd. Please tell me those weren’t on purpose!

Again, it was NO ACCIDENT that Magnum should now be called, among other awesome names, “Mr. Olympiad.” The only accident was that Frederick wasn’t in the ring to send Mega over the top ropes. Believe me … Magnum does NOT like to get his hands dirty. Magnum goes to only the best salons and spas, and celebrity stylists and manicurists are not cheap.

And let me fill you in on something, dear report writer. You’ve shown your lack of intelligence and savvy in your attempt to insult me by calling Magnum a weasel. In this industry, referring to a manager as a weasel is the highest compliment. So, thanks for the mad props.

Magnum is here to tell you the truth, once and for all. There was no way Mega was going to win the Olympiad. Mega is not as good as Magnum. He never was and he never will be. There are forces in this universe that you cannot understand (because you’re not Magnum) … these forces would not allow a travesty like that to happen. You can’t stop the sun from rising in the morning; you can’t stop the earth from turning; and you can’t stop the awesomeness that is … MAGNUM!